स्वाध्याय with Shri

For quite sometime I have been thinking about what leads different cultures to be so different. The differentiation aspects can be many but right now I am focused about family aspect of each culture and also its relation with the surrounding society. A lot is dependent on economic condition of a country. One thing is very common. If economic condition of a country is not so good, people try to live in groups. Living in groups means more security and also less vulnerability. And this directly proportionates to having families, believing in family values; as in case something bad happens to one individual, someone will be there to support him/her.

When you talk about groups and families, society implicitly comes into picture. You are more concerned then – what other people think about you. For instance, in India, if you have crossed a certain age, people will keep on asking why aren’t you getting married. These pressures automatically keep on building. Sometimes your each action is judged by the people across the society and you just can’t avoid them. So if there are some good things living as a part of society there are bad parts too. However living in groups, having family culture encourages and builds on cultural aspects, values etc. I think to maintain the sanctity of this culture they are required too. Economically less developed also means less number of employments which also means that people have a lot of time to think about others. It’s always told that a blank mind is a house of Satan and that’s true in this case. Gossips spread and people have a lot of things to talk about others.

On the other hand, if you belong to an economically developed country, you no longer require a group. You even will not be aware who your neighbour is. The same doesn’t hold true when you live in society based culture. Your actions are not judged anymore. You may be living in a corner of a building and nobody bothers what you do unless they are getting affected by your actions. People don’t need a joint (big) family anymore. They are so involved with their life that they don’t have any time for other individual. You are then more individualistic who always thinks about yourself. Unless you have a good system to support with, older people are left in lurch in their later part of life and sometimes nobody cares about their well-being. Also now, people don’t care about their roots as basically they no longer are aware about them. The ethics and values which a society based culture encourages start to lose their sheen as the communication which keep on happening in a group-based-society from older generation to younger generation doesn’t seem to happen anymore frequently.

I have seen this pattern for some of the countries so far. Poland, which was not as much economically developed encouraged the group based culture. Similar things I have heard about Estonia also. The same holds true to India also. These days, India is in transition phase. If you see the people living in Metro cities, they are getting more and more financial independent thanks to the many economic liberalization policies adopted by Indian government. Families are becoming more and more nuclear these days because of lack of employment near to their towns and also because younger generation doesn’t need older people anymore. Sometimes they are needed but most of the times they are needed to take care their kids as office going couple may not have a luxury to have full time nanny. System still doesn’t support the social security to older people and they are left on their own when people no longer need them. I have already seen many such examples where it happened and nothing seem to work for older people.

So you know what, culture is already is in transition phase towards prosperity but I don’t think system is still prepared for it or even thinking in that direction. One more result is – people are less aware about their culture, ethics and values as they are no longer passed from generation to generation. I am still trying to think if it’s still possible to survive for all those values, ethics and cultural aspects even while living in this environment. From my own experience I have found that it may be possible but one needs to make continuous and conscious efforts with a lot of communication and visits to make it work. Most of the people who are comfortable in their own way of living may not find time/efforts for all these things. And in that way, you normally find the decline of the cultural aspects.

Recently when I was traveling with a Bus, I happened to hear an interesting conversation. The conversation was in native language and people were sharing jokes. The articulation of those jokes was wonderful and really hilarious. The situations and circumstances that guy was sharing were quite local but they had ethnic taste which may not be available anywhere else. Those dialogues were unheard, never recorded or documented ever and I am sure, will never get recorded/archived.

That time, I realized the value of the lost timeless moments. Sometimes I think the kind of childhood I (for that matter, my generation) enjoyed, may not be available to the current generation. Those small pleasures like making a paper boat and let it flow in the rainwater and running behind it wherever it goes, the pleasure of being half-naked and running around in the rain-water, sitting along with my mother in a chilled winter night in the kitchen besides “chullha” and blowing the air on fire with an iron pipe (“phoonkni”), sleeping on a “charpai” in a summer night on a village street and so on.

Some of it is lost and some will be lost in the coming time. Nobody will know those small pleasures ever. Similarly, ever wondered how people in India or for that matter anywhere in the world used to live before 500 years ago. What were their circumstances, living styles, problems, limitations and small pleasures they lived for. Nobody knows how the court of Akbar really looked like at that time. How he looked like, how he behaved, what about his Navratnas and things like that. We may cherish the celluloid version of Akbar’s life but in reality the situation and circumstances could be entirely different. Whatever is documented are praises for the invader or emperor. The real social scenario and behavioral aspects are lost somewhere which can never be tracked now. So you know what, many of those timeless aspects are lost forever.

The situation which I am going to discuss now happens to every individual at some point of life. But reaction varies from person to person. Here I am talking about bad phases. What happens when a person faces problems, problems and problems day by day. One problem followed by another problem and then yet another. It seems endless and it may eat up days, months, years or even decades also.Fatigue of these problems start to take a toll on the person after a period of time. He may get crumbled. He may get overpowered too. That person start to question the authenticity of right and wrong. He begins to find shortcuts. Somehow he wants to end this situation to continue forever. As the darkness means an unknown path, these shortcuts do not have definite fate. Even if they succeed somehow to take course of shortcuts, how long they are going to survive in a marathon of life is any body’s guess only. You may say that may be after a period of time, if they happen to find a right path, they may again survive. But as I said, the result is unknown. This kind of uneasiness creates frustration and may lead to many questions. One of the most frequently asked is – when will it end. You know what – I have seen a pattern in that and that’s what I am going to discuss here.

This phase is analogous to the tunnel of darkness. When you are inside a tunnel of darkness you will not be able to see even your both hands. You don’t know where this tunnel will lead to as you don’t know the path. The path is unknown. And guess what – unknown means – something which is not known. Even in your hidden sense you don’t know what it is. So the bad phase can be considered as a tunnel of darkness. Bad phase cannot be defined in terms of time for a person. It varies from individual to individual. You might have seen in your practical experience that for some people the bad phase may continue for years, say for 10 years or who knows for entire life also. Sometimes it’s for a month or so and sometimes for an year. But the whole point is – nobody knows how long it’s going to continue. It’s like a stock market where nobody is sure when a bull/bear run is going to end. Everybody can predict but nobody knows for sure. That’s a big trouble you know. What should I do in this case as an individual, is a big question mark which many of the times people pose and they may not find an answer.

Now let’s take an instance. A person is inside this tunnel. He is frustrated as he doesn’t know where to go but is not hopeless. He tries to find a way. He plans his moves and see if this way of that way lead to the exit of tunnel somehow. Nobody knows if he’ll ever succeed. But irrespective of the result, he keeps on trying, trying and trying. Some day his continuous efforts bear the fruit and he’s able to find the end-point/exit of the tunnel. You may say – so what nobody’s sure if he’ll ever succeed. That’s true, nobody knows. But irrespective of any results he’s busy in making efforts. Result is the fruit of long term continuous efforts and he keeps on doing just that on day to day basis. If you look around, you will find success is just the name of sustained efforts even in the dark phase irrespective of result.

Let’s take another scenario. Another person who is stuck in the tunnel somehow gets hopeless, utterly frustrated and demotivated because he doesn’t know the end of it. He resigns and leave it at the hand of fate and time. Sometimes, time come for the rescue and he finds the exit in a rare case but most of times he dies. In terms of dark phase, he is swallowed by it. He begins to take illegitimate actions which may not be fruitful for him in long term. With experience I have seen that people who puts their efforts continuously without thinking end result succeed in finding exit point and they become successful in the long run also. Bad phase provides opportunity of sort for people. We begin to understand the value of good people at that time. You also begin to find out real jewels in the crowd of so many fake stones. You begin to appreciate tiny amount of pleasures of your life.

So my learning about dark phase is – one should not lose heart just because she/he can’s see the exit point. One has to keep going and make sustained effort. It’s like stock market yet again where people who are busy in short-term gains become the victims of volatile nature of the market. People who concentrate on the basics of a stock and don’t get carried away with rumours and short-term loss/gain taste success in the long run.