स्वाध्याय with Shri

For those who are wondering what exactly Swadhyay is, it is the path to self-development: Swa = self, Adhyay = lesson. Learning about your self.. or self-development.

Some Important Fundas of Life

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Vivek: Ever since I came to Dubai, I am stress-free .

Me: One tends to get more sensible as one gets older.

Vivek: No its not so simple..In old age people were in more tension

But then I thought enough is enough and no more tension. So I made a decision that no one can hurt me anymore and i will not be sad whatever the case be. So I am happy since then 🙂

Me: …you seem to have learn a guru-mantra
why don’t you teach me something

Vivek: The world is very cruel buddy, people are not happy to see your happy face

Me: The world was like that from the very beginning friend…

You seem to misunderstood it earlier

Vivek: They will sympathize you when you r in trouble and drive a sadistic sort of pleasure out of it.

Me: As I said…it was already there before too

Vivek: Yeah, but it took some time for me to realize that

I can understand what you mean as you saw all in front of your eyes

You were able to judge people well in advance but i am not

Me: Not only that…if u see past movies for instance the role of Gurudutt’s brothers in Pyasa.

U will see those instance 60-70 years back too

So to me the world didn’t change

Though we interpret it to be changing

For me Mahabharata is still the default truth.

In everyday life u can see that

In today’s world…one has to become Krishna

Being Rama doesn’t work in today’s world

Vivek: Yes, you are right, it is all there in same ratio

But you see I never judge anybody’s background, caste, religion etc. If you are good to me I will be good to you too. That was my thinking.

Me: Continue…

Vivek: But later i see it does matter

In L&T Chennai I saw, they always gave preference to Tamilians even if the guy is a poor performer.

So much nepotism and favoritism

Here in Dubai I found Keralaite have similar culture

They make a wall around themselves and behave with non-Keralite as if we don’t belong to them

Even if you ask them are u from India, his response will be no i am from Kerala

So it looked strange in the beginning but later I realized the whole world is like that.

From there side still I feel it may be their thinking but I will not change myself but will be more cautious on case to case basis.

Me: For me there are some fundamental rules…

Vivek: What are those rules?

Me: I don’t change my nature just because world is changing

Vivek: Go ahead..

Me: People say many a times that because world is changing u should also change…

But to me that doesn’t work

Vivek: To me also..

That is why i said i will not change myself..!!

Me: For instance, sometimes some say those guys didn’t help u why u want to help them

Me: For me it’s simple…they did what they thought right and I am doing what it seem to me right

Another rule is –

Patra (deserving) and Kupatra (non-deserving)

U share your knowledge or help those people whom u feel are Patra of ur help

Otherwise some people will complain – why are u interfering in their life

Vivek: Okay

yaah..They may think that way

Me: Also if u help kupatra who doesn’t respect ur help and ur good thinking, or doesn’t respond with some actions

It’s again a waste

Vivek: Agreed!!!

Me: Today’s life…is full of instances where you feel ur situation as of Arjuna in Mahabharata

There may be relatives, friends and near and dears

Who take wrong direction…

If that happens, u have to take hard decisions of life

Vivek: I did not get this point..

Me: The point is – Moh (enchantment for the world around) in real life will make u weak

Either u be weak or be on the side of Dharma always

Vivek: Yes , you have to play the role of Arjuna

Me: But it’s easy to talk about being Arjuna, but very difficult to be Arjuna in real life

Vivek: For Arjuna also it was not easy

The whole Gita got written just to convince him

Me: But yet again it’s very important to be Krishna and that should answer all ur questions

Vivek: Agreed

Other rule pl..

Me: Last rule is Sthitpragya Darshan

Vivek: Explain pl

Me: Take a look at http://swadhyay.svashishtha.com/2005/05/08/sthitpragya-darshan-my-experience/

Vivek: I am reading it now

New Year 2011

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Me: new year is every day!

Me: reply to your profile message (Why are we celebrating new year??… Because one more year over from our life? Isnt it time to look back and see where you are?) 😛

Srini: then y u r celebrating this particular day?

Me: people love celebrations…thats the only cause

Srini: celebration shud be when u earned something – materialistic or non… but u wont njoy such celbs

Me: u dont need a reason for celebrations

Srini: celebration with a cause is gud

Me: why shouldnt one find and get oppurtunity to be happy …there need not to be any reasons…isnt it?
India is a country where u find too many occations for celebrations and most of them are just because of our culture 😉

Srini: a real happiness comes after an achievement

Me: In the world of so many disappointments, pains and worries, people have good reasons to not have any reason for celebrations. For instance if I distribute sweet, I don’t need to have any reasons whatsoever. Sometimes you do that too

Some Unanswered Questions

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Questions about our own existence which will remain unanswered forever I think.

Ever thought why you were born in the same family you are born in? For instance I got born at Thana Bhawan in the family of Sri Om Prakash Gandhi. Why didn’t I born at some unknown place in Africa, for instance in Somalia or some place at Bihar.

How do I feel myself? I feel somebody called Shrikant in myself and there is absolutely no connection with anybody else. Similarly somebody in America must be feeling John Smith in himself. But these two individuals are completely isolated from each other. Though they feel themselves in their body but they really don’t know about themselves. Why don’t I feel myself in some other’s body. What’s that which is so important for my existence. Everybody is isolatedly dropped on earth by some means and have no connection with their so called previous life. No memory, nothing and new life. So in that way, it may be possible that I am here in India right now but I can be somewhere else in Africa in my next life. And who knows, I just go to another planet with a new life as some animal or some other body form. Or who knows, current life is the end of spontaneous life. No past and future but only present. And in that way, I don’t really know who am I except having an option of feeling what I can feel right now.

As soon as this spirit is gone, the body is lifeless. And we have absolutely no clue about this LIFE.

A Conversation With A Friend

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Ananya: You said I didnt tell you anything about me?

Me: Yes. Todays talk was all about me.

Ananya:Oh…hehe. Well, I guess all-in-all I’m doing great.

Me: cool!

Ananya: I feel like I’ve taken my life by the reigns and I’m doing what I should be doing.
I’m in control now, and it feels good.
And the things I cant control, I’ve accepted.

Me: what does that mean?

Ananya: Well, every time when I’m walking to and from class, or to my friends house, or to work…
basicly, whenever I’m walking outside (which is all the time, I rarely go out or out of city anymore) I look around me. I meen, I REALLY look around me.
Everything is pretty unfamilier. And its strange.
I’m not from Bangalore. I have no family from Bangalore. But yet here I am, living here….
And soon Priyanka (my elder sister who recently got married) moving away and how strange it is to be here.
I’d never have guessed 5 years ago this is where I’d be. It just seems so strange.
But I’m okay with it.
I ended up here, sometimes it seems in a way that Fate just made it happen, and I’m just okay with it.
I figure I’m supposed to be here.
I’m happy.

Ananya: the Gods or Fate or Chance or whatever it is have put me here in a way that seems like I was just like a leaf being blown about in the wind with no control. Thats just fine. Where I end up, whoever I’m around, I do what I can to make tommarow better than today and that is making me happy.

Ananya: Okay, humor this strange metaphore, but its kind of like being in rapids, maybe. In the water. Being thrown (sometiems calmly, sometimes violently) in any direction and the safest thing to do, the best thing to do, is not worry about when the rapids may end, its just to avoid the rocks and keep your head above the water and focus on the seconds, the little moments, because they are the ones that matter. The ones that survival and success depend on. Dont look too far ahead, dont make too many plans, just keep your head up and survive and do the best you can.

Ananya: I think you can tell I am happy. I’ve had somewhat of an epiphany, I guess.

Me: It seems to be very deep as you just used many metaphors

Ananya: Yea. The things that made me upset and depressed and sad before I now accept with calmness and solitude.
Its okay to feel lonely. And when I feel lonely, I let it be. Just let it be. I know I’ll be okay.

Ananya: And when I’m happy and friends surround me and I feel cared for and loved, I let it be. I dont get my head in the clouds, I just accept it and let myself enjoy the moment.
I felt lonely.

Me: What things made you upset and depressed?

Ananya: I’ve never had close, close friends and its hard for me to make them. I get along with people great, but the kind of friendship I dream about and I think I see others enjoy always seemed slightly out of my reach. At least in physical presence. I know I have some online friends I talk to, but I’m talking the kind of friends to see on a regular basis.
Sometimes I look around and it seems to me everyone has it. But I dont.
And when I meet friends, I am self concious and insecure and I worry that my flaws to them are bigger then the flaws of their other friends. That I am worse, I dont fit in, I’m not wanted, and I get skared of being hurt and left behind and I start to isolate myself.
Like a monster in my head telling me to take a choice of being a pest or being alone, and neither of them makes me happy and I feel trapped.
Trapped to feel isolated. On the outside always only looking in, but never being a part of.
But I’m okay now, I have friends and I just let myself enjoy the moments with them and not worry what may happen tommarow.
Today, I have friends. And today I’m happy. I dont think further, I dont worry.

Me: I had similar situation
when I was at your age
So far I felt it’s good to be what I am…
As it’s very difficult to wear masks all the times.
To tell you the truth…
The transformation started when I met you
I realised there are more people like me
and I also can be considered important
that brought a lot of self-realization in me
But in process I realised…
I am good at what I am
Wearing masks the way others want to see us doesn’t work
People who matters to you will meet you somewhere
It may be late…but it’s much better than sheer pretention
which one continues to have to make others happy

Ananya: I’m really happy that I did that for you. At the time I was so confident, so full of hope and optimism….it was the epitome of youthful outlooks….
It was genuine and it was real, and – I’m learning – it was RIGHT.
Losing that it a bad feeling, and I’m fighting to keep what I have left, and get back what I’ve lost.

Me: its open secret to everybody who matters to me
that Ananya was responsible for my reincarnation
at the same time I used to get worried
that because of world’s pressure you might lose your “Self”
Thats’ why I used to tell you so many things about the world outside
However eventually things happened the way they were supposed to be…
It’s the flow of life which one cant stop
even if someone wants to.

Ananya: I know.

Me:it’s important that you realise what you were
and what you are.
At that time also, I used to say and ask…
why it’s so important to have someone in life
if he/she doesnt matter…
Just for the heck of having boyfriend/girlfriend
Just to show others that I am also like you
Just to be the part of that race (herd mentality)…
for the world around
That time…it was difficult to let you know what I meant
but I hope now you understand

Ananya: I do.

Me:I understand one thing from very beginning
that you are one of most important human being one could have around…
I am saying it as you are going to realise it after some time…
and important people make changes…
and make a difference to the world
Right now I am Vice President of my current company
but that does not make a lot of sense in the bigger picture…

Ananya:why?

Me:because many other people also reach there…It’s mechanical
However , internally I feel in bigger picture
I make a lot of difference
to the surrounding around
Being Vice President of a company is just one extension to who I am

Ananya: Hey, Ravi….can I tell you something I just thought of?
Me: yes

Ananya: Okay….once again an abstract metaphore. Its really hard for me to describe my feelings and thoughts so its the easiest way. Anyway….

Ananya: I feel like Fate played me a favor by putting you in my life. (I know its mutual, I know you say I helped you….but…it goes both ways like this..). I unknowingly invested in you, so-to-speak. I was only being myself, but what I did was I helped you become the person that, later down the road, would help me. You were then where I am now, and I helped you. And now that I am here, because of what I did before, I am reeping the rewards of a friend who understands.
Like I invested in you and now I’m getting back rewards. I didnt have any itnention or knowledge but its funny, how it all turned out.
If I never effected you, then you couldnt be effecting me now, by giving me the comfort that a friend understands.

Me: I dont see it that way…
it’s like give and take…which is world’s one of the biggest rule
but not always necessary to be true
you get affected only when other understand…
Sometimes it can happen in one way only…
in other words….
I see it as a flow
which coincidently looked like similar

Ananya: lol
Well, if I never knew you, there’d be no one to remind me how I felt.
My memory is vague, but I was so open and honest to you unlike any other person I knew.

Me: I know what u mean…
but comparing it with give and take is very cheap

Ananya: So only you really had the capability of refreshing my memory, refreshing it so much I can almost feel that old familier feeling of youthful optimism creeping back to me. Just because you remember who I am.

Me: One thing you may note…
for me people who make difference in my life never change
though they all pretend to be changed
internally they remain same

Ananya: Well I think our logic changes. Our way of interpreting what happens in our lives. Our way of reacting, our way of perceiving, but underneith all the small things, trivial things, things that ultimately dont matter, is a soul that has never changed since, well,since whenever we begin existing. More constant than the stars. lol

Me:Some exterior things changes
as the change is the only constant
but people internally never change
everybody thinks that he/she got changed
sometimes we also start thinking… did we really changed?
but in reality, only circumstances change
and based on circumstances we misinterpret each other
Thats where we perceive each other different

Ananya:
I know your right.
haha – because I keep coming back to my old self, even if only in intervals, even if sometimes those intervals are few and fare between – its still like theres a default…and genuine me, underneith it all, that will never change, never go away, and always come back. Always come back.
The Default Self hehe

Me:whatever you call it

Ananya: Thats what I’ll name it. AKA: Spirit.

Me: but I hope you know what I mean
I am not sure if all that story made sense or not
but I think it’ll be good for you to be your true self

Me: as I personally liked it very much
and how I perceived u is as:
someone full of optimism…hope
who like to live in the moment
and make it happy
dont care about pretentions and excuses

Ananya: I do. At least I think I do. haha – its one of the funny things about language and human communiction you can never be completely sure.

Me: It’s all about living the moment
also innocensne
which I am not sure where is these days
To tell you the truth…

Ananya:Why?

Me: I could see that kind of innocense only in Shashank (my kid)…
he’s even better…

Ananya:Do you think that innocence is only youth?

Me:and thats why he’s my eye-ball

Ananya:Or is it a part of someone?

Me:it’s part of someone
its very important part
sometimes one lose it knowingly
sometimes one doesnt know if it’s at all important
but to me it’s one of the best asset one could have
people with that personality trait make a lot of difference in others’ lives
and that too without knowing

Ananya:What is innocence though?
How do you define it? What, specificly, made me innocent?
And what makes me un innocent now?

Me:I dont know even if you changed now

Ananya:Is it a vibe, or is it something I’ve done, some way of thinking, some kind of conciousness?

Me:you know it even better
it’s all about being honest I think…

Ananya:I dont know. I still feel innocent but there are things I’ve done that I am even to ashamed to admit sometimes.

Me:thinking positive all the times about world
We are not in physical touch for a long time now
so I have no clue what you are these days
I only remember those days which I know

Ananya:But those thigns I do I do out of curiosity of because the way I am, a very sensual person, I love experiences, so many experiences, to see what something feels like, to know what others might see who I dont understand, to do what I may not know I shouldnt just to see wht its like throuh others eyes.
I want to learn, I want to know, I want to feel every feeling and get the best and the worst and understand it

Ananya:But the things themselves, some things I’ve tried, would be the last thing defined as “innocent”

Me:I know and I do appreciate also…

Me:but I am not very sure the state of balance
as I never did that
the balance or imbalance I think you know urself
I have no clue
but Ananya!

Ananya:?

Me:I think now u know what’s that boundary of balance or imbalance with your experience
now it’s time to take ur life in ur hands

Ananya:I know. And this year has been the start, thats why I’m happy.
And you wanna know something?

Me:?

Ananya:Part of the reason I’m so happy is because I dont try and define myself as narrowly as I used to. I dont do a bad thing and think I’m a bad girl for it. I dont do a good thing and think myself good. I dont do a smart thing and think myself wise. I am all of those things, never one without all the others. I’m a mix, I’m an accumulation of everything – I am both good and bad. I am both wise and foolish. I am both smart and dumn. I am both crazy and sane (haha) and I’m OK with that.
There is not one word or phrase that describes me. It would take books, volumes of books, I’m okay with that.
Everyone is like that, too. Not just me. But I’m just accepting it for myself finally.

Me:good….
thats why u see me not speaking any cheesy stuff anymore…
as I dont really care…
someone can like and someone not

Me:but I dont want to wear masks anymore
it’s very comforting
to tell just truth
and live it

Ananya: It is.
Very comforting.
To be my own best friend, so-to-speak. Just let me be me.
…..
….
…

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Delhi Bomb Blast

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This post was written immediately after Delhi Bomb blasts which happened on Sep 13, 2008. Whatever I have written below was an instantaneous reaction. I hope it still makes sense.

Bomb blasts shatter the human psyche. Recent Delhi blasts shattered mine also. People feel so helpless when it happens in their own city. What kind of security we are talking about? Terrorists challenge the Indian government by saying, “Stop us if you can”. And they keep on targeting one city after another.

A typical stereotyped statement comes from Prime Minister to maintain peace and harmony. What’s the meaning of peace/patience after-all? Keeping the mouth shut and doing nothing. Human life has become so cheap and people have become so insensitive that losing 21 lives may be just another headline for a week. After a few more days, another spicy news comes and old details of human-life loss lose the charm. However that loss is ingrained in the psyche of affected relatives for their rest of life. Life moves on and it seems that losing some people doesn’t make much difference in a country of billion people.

Somehow we don’t have a system in which culprits are punished as soon as crime happens. People live a life where they are so vulnerable that if something happens to them, there will be nobody to help them out. If you have influence and power, it’s easy to murder people and stay free as everybody knows very few people have the courage to fight court-cases for rest of their lives. Even if they could, they have minuscule chances to win because of many reasons. So in current context, terrorists know very well that they are fighting against a impotent system and they are using it to their full advantage.

In a sense, bomb blasts came at a right time for these politicians as people will again forget the gravity of Bihar flood situation. Millions of people are in danger and nobody knows how they are going to live their rest of life.

Somehow you may think that I have become a little too sentimental which leads me to think system should not be based on just pure sentiments as generally we Indians become. The system should be impartial and should not be biased because of religion/cast/power or creed. More than 2500 lives got lost in Gujrat in a pre-planned attempt of genocide. One of the most so called respectable prime-minister of India did nothing. Even after all these 6 years or more, in the name of justice we have nothing. The biggest irony of the country is – the same criminal politicians get elected again and again. Instead of booking the culprits of Godhra carnage, the chief-minister delivers the vengeance calls and another 2500 people are killed senselessly. I was shocked to hear the Bajrang Dal top leader describing graphic details on how he killed pregnent woman, her child and other members of the community. It was recorded as a video and shown to the whole world, how a group planned total genocide of a community in Ahemdabad. Even after that the government did nothing. It was said that those details will be used in the legal case, but what legal case are we talking about. Have we become so insensitive that killing in cold blood doesn’t make a difference for our political/judicial system? These legal activities are going to take another 10 years. Another example of “justice denied” case.

When a sizeable population of this country starts losing the faith on the system. Foe people who have lost lives of their relatives in these carnages, it’s easy to go towards extremist ways. And I guess that’s what is happening right now.

All I am trying to say – we need a system which is impartial to everyone. A system which could show fear of law. A system where a criminal is rest assured that he will be booked and punished in a timely fashion. A society where top politicians don’t put the responsibility of the crime on citizens themselves and instead work hard to make city safe for everybody.

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